Pull It Back Before It Lands
I don't know if you have ever been fly-fishing. I'm no purist, but I
do love to throw a "hair popper" or two. When you find that perfect
hole for a fish, you feel the pressure to make a perfect cast; you
want to gently drop the fly right into that perfect spot without
noise and commotion! You work your line out a time or two, and then
you let it race out toward the target. Sometimes, as your fly nears
its destination, you realize that you've messed up the cast. But
this is fly fishing! With a quick flick of the wrist, the rod
silently snaps the fly back from the surface of the water before it
lands. You make a couple of "false casts," and then gently drop the
fly into your intended destination. No harm done because the bad
cast never landed; the fish wasn't spooked and the perfect spot
wasn't spoiled because of a sloppy mistake!
Ah! If only we could do that with our words!
After an grief-filled morning, I was emotionally spent. I shouldn't
have been surprised that at one crucial point, my words rang out
with a harshness I had not intended. They reflected a smoldering
private anger I had yet to bridle. My words were genuine, but too
biting to be fair; they were the truth, but unwashed by
righteousness or grace. As soon as the sentence was gone from my
lips, I wanted to stop them in mid flight, pull them back, and
re-word the sentence. Unfortunately words aren't delivered via a fly
rod. They cannot be snapped back before landing. We don't get a few
false casts so we deliver them more precisely.
So what do we do with those words that wound, statements that
sizzle, and replies that rip hearts?
Well, of course the best solution is prevention. Unfortunately, many
of us have what my dad called diarrhea of the mouth: we talk way too
much about way too little and cause way too much damage. That's why
James told us, "My dear friends, you should be quick to listen and
slow to speak or to get angry." (James 1:19) Putting the brakes on
and thinking about what we say before we say it is absolutely
crucial to living a Christian life and blessing others.
Unfortunately, this is very hard for some of us to learn to do. It
seems nearly impossible to do when we are mad, tired, frustrated, or
feel like we are unheard and under-appreciated.
So how do we put the brakes on our mouth and slow ourselves down
enough to listen before we speak? Four keys are helpful:
First, we should to plan out words of blessing we want to share with
others. The Holy Spirit told us to plan how we are going to
encourage others BEFORE we go to church. (Hebrews 10:24 "let us
consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds...")
Let's make a plan to go to church to bless. Let's strategize what
needs to be said to people who especially need our encouragement.
Second, we should analyze the need of those with whom we are
speaking, then target our words to bless them and to build them up
based upon their needs (Ephesians 4:29 "Let no evil talk come out of
your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is
need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear.") So
often we slip into speech that draws attention to ourselves, our
needs, our significance and we forget our charge to be redemptive in
every area of our life, including our speech. Let's listen first, so
we can bless when we speak rather than trying to be the center of
attention.
Third, we can read and focus on the blessings in Scripture: as we
read, memorize, and share them, they begin to shape our speech into
a much richer vocabulary of blessing. Blessed speech becomes much
more natural. This focus helps our first speech inclination to bring
God's grace to someone else rather than defending our turf, stating
our position, or returning a sarcastic zinger. In very tough times,
Peter reminded God's people: Don't repay evil for evil. Don't
retaliate when people say unkind things about you. Instead, pay them
back with a blessing. That is what God wants you to do, and he will
bless you for it. (1 Peter 3:9)
Fourth, we must begin each day with prayer, asking God to use us to
be his blessing in the lives of those we will touch that day. We
should ask for help in saying the right things at the right time
with the right attitude. If we have special meetings scheduled, we
can ask for God's grace and help to say things properly. Not all of
our conversations will be easy, pleasant, and non-confrontational.
But we can speak the truth in the love and display courtesy as well
as courage even while being assertive. Paul tells us: "Let your
conversation be gracious and effective so that you will have the
right answer for everyone." (Colossians 4:6) God's Spirit can help
us display holy character in what we say and how we say it.
Since there are no simple ways to snap back our words before they
sloppily hit their target and do lasting damage, we're going to have
to apologize when we misuse our speech. If our focus is upon
blessing others, our good intentions will begin to show in our
lives. When we mess up our speech and wound others, our apologies
will more likely be accepted and appreciated. While we cannot erase
the words, we must ask for the forgiveness of those we wound.
Hopefully over time, our desire to bless will help change the hearts
of those we've hurt and help them understand we want to bless them
with grace.